Have you ever had to run to catch an incoming commuter train or run to the bus stop to catch a bus that you can see on the horizon approaching? It can be a very discomforting feeling, not to mention the strain on all the muscles and sinews in your body as you commit to catching that train or bus! Once on board and seated, that’s if you’ve made it, with heart pumping abnormally fast, you think to yourself, “Never again am I going to be late to catch my scheduled train or bus!”
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While some people are early arrivals for almost everything, other people schedule their commute to arrive at their workplace almost at the exact time their workday is meant to start. These people are often ‘seasoned’ commuters who know the system. They perhaps also have an inherent knowledge of statistical probability of travel delays, always thinking that the chances of delays are infrequent enough to take the last scheduled train or bus for their commute to work. Whatever might be the weather forecast for the day, they'll still take the risk with their schedule. In any case, they're likely to have several ready-made excuses or reasons for their lateness, depending on the circumstances of the day.
I am sure you know of people who are consistently late, not only for work, but for other social events. Whether it be for a coffee-meeting, a lunch reservation or a scheduled car-pool ride. Without incriminating anyone in my household for being punctually challenged, I must admit that I do get it wrong sometimes with my timings and find myself running late on occasions. If you find that you are running late, especially for an engagement, it is always polite to ring or text in advance of your delayed arrival.
Folks who are prone to being late are often unaware of their tardiness. It is not always rudeness or scatter-brained behaviour that causes a person to be habitually late. It has to be something much deeper, writes Laura Clarke, former Acting Deputy Editor at BBC Worklife. Clarke goes on to say, in her 2017 article on 'lateness' that there are few habits as infuriating as someone making us wait. But despite what may be running through our minds as we are kept waiting, Clarke says that it is unlikely that people who are late are just being selfish with their time. While we might think so, Clarke in her article provides a few reasons for their unconscious tardiness.
London-based cognitive behavioural therapist, Harriet Mellotte, of Harriet Mellotte Therapies, explains that "It is easy to perceive unpunctual people as disorganised, chaotic, rude and lacking in consideration for others." Mellotte goes on to say that the punctually challenged are often excruciatingly aware and ashamed of the damage their lateness could do to their relationships, reputations, and careers.
Author of Never Be Late Again, Diana DeLonzor writes that, "While there are those who get a charge out of keeping others waiting, if you are typical, you dislike being late." Yet she exclaims, "Tardiness remains the nemesis to those who are punctually challenged!"
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Some of the reasons for lateness in the Clarke article could be easily relatable if you, someone you know or someone in your household has a tendency of often being late.
Character type.
Firstly, it may not be intention of the punctually challenged to be consistently late at the outset. The results of a 2001 study conducted by psychology professor, Jeff Conte at San Diego State University showed that people who are unpunctual often share personality characteristics such as optimism, low levels of self-control, anxiety, or an inclination for thrill-seeking. Personality differences could also dictate how we experience the passing of time. Conte ran the study in which he separated participants into Type A people, who were ambitious and competitive, and Type B people, who were creative, reflective and explorative. He asked each group of subjects to judge, without clocks, how long it took for one minute to elapse. Type A people felt a minute had gone by when roughly 58 seconds had passed. Type B participants on the other hand felt a minute had gone by after 77 seconds.
The results were quite revealing, suggesting that the Type B people in Conte's study, would be more prone to consider a passage of time longer than reality, through no fault of their own. So, when applying this to a practical example where a couple has agreed to leave the house at 6:00pm for an engagement, while one partner would consider 6:00pm a specific departure time, the other partner, who may be a Type B person will be expecting to leave, not at 6:00pm but later, perhaps around 6:20pm.
There are many couples within my friendship network where this is a common topic of conversation. It is often about one partner having to wait for the other, which invariably infuriates the waiting partner. The Conte study sheds some light into the psychology of the punctually challenged. Now whether those partners who are unpunctual have character traits of optimism, low levels of self-control, anxiety, or have an inclination for thrill-seeking are best left to conjecture.
'Big thinking' excuses.
Secondly, Clarke admits that some people who are habitually late when delivering reports, or are time challenged to complete tasks will often pass it off as a symptom of them being big-thinking and who are concerned with other matters than timekeeping. While some excuses like an accident or illness are universally accepted excuses for lateness, Clarke writes that those who fall into the category of big thinkers often discount timekeeping as a necessity. They use the excuse that they do their best work under pressure, or that they have the body clock of a night owl rather than a lark. Some would see these excuses as not easy to swallow.
Admittedly I have not experienced situations where big-thinking people are poor timekeepers, however I have known of people who are poor time managers, and who are consistently unpunctual when it comes to their appointments. Interestingly this is not a new phenomenon. In fact, in a 2011 article published by Randstad, its author, probably a big thinker, puts weight to the notion that there are two kinds of time, "clock time" and "real time." The article mentioned that this forward-thinking approach goes all the way back to another big thinker, Albert Einstein and his Theory of Relatively. Einstein's theory says that time and space are linked together and is dependent on one's frame of reference, in other words, the rate at which time passes is not the same for everyone and can vary depending on one's speed and position. It has been shown that time travels slower when we are closer to the earth's surface because of the effect of gravity. When time is measured at higher altitudes to the earth surface, for example in space or on a mountain top, time moves faster than on the earth's surface. Perhaps big thinkers have a point to make after all.
Interestingly here is a story where the person who had a reputation of being unpunctual had a legitimate case of excusing her tardiness. She says, "A friend will ask me to come over, and they'll say, 'come any time from seven.'" She continues, "But if I do turn up at eight or later, they're annoyed." I suppose in this case, being specific on a timeframe would have helped in this scenario. But I still wonder if she would have met that expectation, if being unpunctual was her normal pattern of behaviour, and if she was a big thinker.
Thinking of lateness is self-fulfilling.
Tim Urban, TED speaker and self-proclaimed late person was quoted as saying that late people often have a “bizarre compulsion to defeat themselves.” He coined the name: CLIPs, Chronically Late Insane People, when referring to the punctually challenged. Urban says, that while there are other reasons for lateness, many reasons for tardiness remain self-inflicted. Sometimes we tend to anticipate being late, which then becomes self-fulfilling, while at the same time we put too much attention to detail, when this may not be called for. The following scenario illustrates the point. A school teacher exclaims that the most distressing time is when it comes time to write school reports. The teacher says, “I never make the deadline, which looks like I don’t care. I think about the reports for weeks and put so much effort into really assessing each child. But the fact that they are late undermines that.” In this example, not declaring "I never make the deadline" would be a start. If facing such a scenario, perhaps plan and schedule the assessment of each child, before completing the report for that child. Planning and scheduling in advance is the key.
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Anxiety diagnosis.
Another reason for lateness, according to Harriet Mellotte, of Harriet Mellotte Therapies, is a “consequence of deeply distressing common mental health or neurological conditions.” Mellotte explains, “People with anxiety diagnoses often avoid certain situations,” adding that “Individuals with low self-esteem are likely to be critical about their abilities which may cause them to take more time to check their work.” As a consequence of this anxiety and over cautious behaviour, Mellotte suggest that falling into depression often comes with low energy and self-esteem thus finding the motivation to get a move on all the harder.
So, what are some of the fixes which can help those who are punctually challenged. Here are three possible fixes to the problem referred to in the Clark article.
Change your 'but' to 'and'.
Dr Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in private practice in New York and author of How to Beat Procrastination in the Digital Age says some persistent lateness comes from “an obsessive thinking problem.” In short, Sapadin says, the procrastinator focuses on a fear attached to the event or deadline for which they are running late. Rather than figuring out how to get beyond the fear, the fear becomes the excuse – usually expressed with a ‘but’ statement. Sapadin in her book elaborates, "You might tell yourself, “I wanted to be on time for that event, but I couldn't decide what to wear; I started to write an article, but I was afraid my colleagues would find it not good enough.”" She explains further, “Whatever comes after the 'but' is what counts.” She tells people to change the word ‘but’ to ‘and’. ‘But’ denotes opposition and blockage; ‘And’ denotes connection and resolution, she explains, so “the task becomes less daunting, the fear less of an obstacle.” This then becomes a mental exercise to condition our minds to look at removing barriers to change, away from tardiness to timeliness.
Change your priority.
Author Diana DeLonzor (mentioned above), started on her path to punctuality by identifying, and adapting the very thing that seemed to always make her late. That was only after she failed many times to improve her timeliness, she says in her book. She came to realised that it was the thrill of being rushed that she craved for. Probably the adrenaline rush which comes from working under pressure. Changing what she craved was the only way to improve. “As I worked towards the goal of being timelier, I began to see the importance of being a reliable person,” DeLonzor says, “Developing that side of myself soon became a priority.”
For those impacted by waiting, set boundaries.
For those left waiting, there is hope. You, too, can dictate what you’re willing to put up with.
“Instead of getting angry or upset, you can take a stand and set boundaries,” DeLonzor says. “Talk about what you will do if the other person isn’t on time.” For instance, tell your late friend you’ll go into the movie without them if they’re more than ten minutes late, if you'll catch the next train if they have not arrived by then. Tell that colleague who never turns his part of the project in on time that it just won’t be included next time — and the boss will know about it.
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If you have a friend or partner who is continually late, the best thing you could do is to be that best friend and loving partner. Be upfront about your feelings and frustrations in having to wait because of their tardiness. Set in motion actions for accountability and help to identify and address the underlying problems to their consistent lateness.
In conclusion, here is an encouraging advice from, motivational speaker, and author of The Psychology of Winning, Dr. Denis Waitley who suggests, "The truth is, you don't break a bad habit; you replace it with a good one."
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