Too often, as leaders or parents, we jump to finding solutions when a problem is presented. I very quickly realised my predisposition to finding solutions, after getting feedback for the many role plays, I had to do when undertaking my counselling studies.
There was one time during an in-person group workshop when we had to break into groups of three to role play a scenario. Each person rotating to be the counsellor, the client and an observer. When I was playing the role of the counsellor, the assessor who was observing each group as she moved around the room, came across my ‘performance’ as I began my ‘counselling role play’. She politely provided feedback after my 3-minute stint, suggesting that I was counselling as a stereotypical male. What she meant was that I was not spending enough time ‘feeling the situation’ as I was too anxious in giving the client a solution. I was being too ‘solution focus’, she added.
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I knew that this was not what a counsellor ought to be doing, having been told in class many times during the course that a counsellor should empathetically listen to a client, ‘journeying and walking beside’ the client, supporting and increasing self-awareness of the client. However on that occasion, I got myself into auto-pilot and fell into my default behaviour.
After many years as a senior executive with responsibilities for various teams and team members, I would often be presented with problems or at least scenarios where ‘fixes’ and solutions were required. Typically, these would be ones where my team leads would have a solution in mind, but needed confirmation, or ones that needed my input for a solution to be made.
In the workplace, when a problem was presented, the team and I would spend time going through problem solving mode. A practice forged over many years of training and practice. This would involve the steps of:
Identifying or defining the problem,
Gathering background information,
Brainstorming possible solutions,
Evaluating each possible solution, its consequences and deciding on one,
Executing the solution, and finally
Evaluating the outcome of the solution taken.
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While this technique is appropriate in a business operational sense where the responsibility lies with the leader and/or the team needing to respond to a problem in a timely manner, this process is not appropriate in a counselling environment. In such an environment the ‘driver’ of the solution is not the counsellor, but the client.
The ‘seat of power’ in implementing an outcome is not the counsellor, who is practicing his or her ‘active listening’ skills and who is certainly not giving advice, but the client themself. It is the client who has control of the situation.
As is so often pointed out when studying counselling, counsellors should ask open-ended and probing questions to allow the clients to arrive at their own solution. It is by no means an easy and straight forward task for the clients to do, however it is the skill of the counsellor who can help ‘draw open’ the curtains of doubt, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence to help clients see a clearer view to a solution.
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When comparing my previous job role and what I had recently learnt, I started thinking about the relationship between asking questions and the role of a leader. I realised that the role of a leader is not simply to find solutions to problems.
After many years of practice and attending many executive management courses and leadership conferences, I have concluded that the lesson in asking questions is not a regular part of leadership ‘school’, at least in past years. I believe it should be these days.
Often if there is a problem, or an unclear situation that needs clarification, or when someone needs an answer, they will typically go to the person-in-charge, the manager-leader. Sometimes when an answer is given, and let’s say, it’s not what the seeker is expecting to hear, then the answer may not be followed. You can imagine how frustrating this will be for the leader, the person providing the answer.
After conducting research into the subject of why people in leadership positions are often approached for answers, I found out that it all started during the industrial revolution.
During the periods of the first and second industrial revolutions, from the 18th to 19th centuries, in Britain where it all started, the education system then was designed to educate and train children to be factory workers. As it was focused on getting people job-ready in the burgeoning factories anything that the workers needed to know beyond that education would be taught by the manager on the job. This was how things were and it was rarely that the worker, which included child-workers, knew more than the manager.
Photo Credit: Brewminate.com Factory in Industrial Revolution England (No copyright infringement intended)
This is certainly not that case today, as a simple Google search can give us access to all sorts of information and it will provide answers to the questions we may have.
One of the most challenging changes a leader needs to consider today is a paradigm shift away from the view that:
Leaders need to have all the answers, and
Leaders know what is best or what is right for the people they lead.
No longer should there be an expectation that the leader is the ‘well of all knowledge’ in the workplace, in the school, field of operations and elsewhere.
Breaking the habit of advice giving is a hard one to break, as I found when conducting my role plays during my counselling course. However, a good place to start is to realise and accept that, as leaders we do not have, nor are expected to have all the answers.
It is said that leaders need to flip the default ‘advice giving’ habit to learning to ask open-ended and probing questions. This is a skill I have learnt during my two years of my counselling course. As a side note you can even do a Google search to find out how to go about asking open-ended questions.
There is incredible formative power in relationship building when asking questions, more than just providing answers or solutions. By asking questions we:
Increase trust between the parties involved
Built rapport, in other words understanding and having empathy between each other
Develop the decision-making muscles within those we lead or provide counsel to
Build and hand over responsibility to the one who is seeking a solution
Develop accountability, as the ownership of the solution is on the person to achieve the agreed outcome.
As Edward de Bono was quoted as saying, ‘Asking a question is the simplest way of focusing thinking…asking the right question may be the most important part of thinking’.
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A question, whether it is in a coaching, teaching, or in an interviewing context, is stronger when it encourages the person to reflect and elaborate.
If you are a coach, whether the setting is at a workplace, sporting field, school or home, author and a pioneer in the Christian coaching field, Tony Stoltzfus, in his book Coaching Questions: A Coach’s Guide to Powerful Asking Skills (2008) suggests the following:
Stay clear of solution-oriented questions. These are closed-ended questions disguised as advice.
Avoid trying to find that one question that you believe will cause a cascade of revelation for the client. Let the process unfold naturally, as you cannot force the answers out prematurely if one wants to get to the root of the issue.
Do not ramble. Think about what you want to ask. Let silence work its magic while you are thinking. Sometimes the client will continue talking, and your question will not be needed. If it still is, then ask one question. Allow the client time to reflect and respond.
Avoid interpreting what the client is saying. Use their words to formulate your question. In counselling, as I have learnt, this is called ‘reflecting back’ what has been said.
Do not ask rhetorical questions. These are simply statements filled with judgment and preachiness, ending with a question mark. For instance, “What were you thinking?” Of course, the tone of voice used and body language can make or break this type of question.
Do not lead the witness. Guiding the client to answer in a specific way does nothing to help them figure things out, as this may lead them to a scenario/solution they did not intent going to in the first place.
When appropriate, interrupt the client. Sometimes the client will ramble and lose focus. Find a way to bring them back to the question at hand. There is skill required to empathetically refocus the conversation back to its original purpose.
Interrupting too much also is troublesome. This includes talking over and talking for the client. Count to two before responding or asking a question.
‘Why’ questions can make a client defensive and feel as though they are being judged.
And if you happen to be in a workplace situation, even as a parent, and when a team member or a child comes to you for advice, here are three open-ended questions to get to the heart of the issue;
What’s on your mind?
What’s the real challenge here for you?
What was most useful or most valuable for you here?
In his book, Good Leaders Ask Great Questions, John C Maxwell writes, ‘Questions are the key to communication and success. Questions lead to growth, demonstrate interest and uncover information that might otherwise remain hidden. Business leaders need to retain their curiosity, ask themselves questions to keep at the top of their game, and ask questions of others to determine if they need assistance and to double-check if the leaders need to improve. Questions spur learning’.
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So, as I continue to challenge myself to break the habit of jumping straight into solution-mode, I have found that the art of asking questions can reveal more of the person looking for a solution, the situation at hand and, just as important, it can reveal more of myself as a growth-centered leader, empathetic counsellor and encouraging coach.
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