"Papa!", Toby shouted as he entered the house and ran towards my open arms. I carried him in the usual way, did a 360-degree spin and gave him a kiss before putting him down. Just to see the joy on Toby's face was enough to set me up for caring for him during the day.
Sometimes, if his grandmother is not there to also welcome Toby, he would inquisitively ask, "Where's Nana?".
Since retiring last December 2020, my wife and I have been privileged to look after our third grandson two days a week. However, over the last year of pandemic restrictions, there were times when we had gone weeks without having him over. This meant too that we were not able to see Toby's older brothers, Joel and Ezekiel, after taking Toby to his home in the early evenings. With the house being 25 kilometres away, it was frustrating when travel restrictions were imposed, and we weren't able travel the full distance. Thankfully restrictions were lifted to open travel last month.
One thing I have discovered since spending time with Toby (pictured below) during the year, had been the extent required to look after him.
A two-year old grows so quickly; physically, cognitively, socially and also in communication. His playing of games and use of toys, and in make-belief play got me thinking of the innocence of a child's heart. During the raising of Toby's two brothers, my wife Jennifer provided day-care during some days of the week while I was working full-time. However, to experience two full days of day-care of a growing child from one year old, or at least from when my daughter returned to work, to a two-plus years old toddler, has given me much insight into their development. Furthermore, now as a grandparent and with years of work experience, I can appreciate the virtues of having a childlike heart, even as an adult.
Firstly having a childlike heart is not the same as being childish. A childlike heart is one marked by innocence, trust, and ingenuous curiosity with a childlike delight for discovery. While it is important to maintain these qualities as we grow into an adult, it is also important to not only mature physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. Those who can strike a balance, are usually successful and as they grow will be truly blessed.
To illustrate the childlike nature I observed from being with Toby, here are seven attributes worth considering.
Inventiveness
Having a childlike nature is having the ability to make-believe, to improvise and to see things differently.
When playing with Toby I would get down to his level. Sitting on the floor, he would bring to me the snakes and ladders board game. It's not because he knows how to play the game, he simply wants to play with the coloured discs. I would get him to point each colour out and hand me the green disc, then the blue, red, orange, purple and yellow discs. Often getting him to say the colours aloud, as he stacks one disc above the other, before knocking them over as we restart the 'game' again. Or he would find a corresponding colour on the snakes and ladders board and place a coloured disc on a drawing with similar colours.
Source: Media from Wix
Playing lots of make-belief games has been a favourite. Since the last restrictions were lifted, which had been a couple of months in duration, I noticed that Toby loved playing 'pretend' cooking. Initially he had been using coloured Lego blocks, stirring with a ladle in an empty plastic container where some of his toys are normally kept.
A few weeks ago I decided to provide some realism and I raided his Nana's kitchen and 'borrowed' a small steel mixing bowl, a teaspoon and a handful of uncooked macaroni. To provide some variety in colour and smell, I added a tiny number of cloves and two star-aniseeds. There he was pretending to cook, dishing it out into little containers and offering them to me and his imaginary 'friends' to ‘eat’. Once done, Toby would pour them all into the steel mixing bowl and start the 'cooking' process again.
He would then discover that he could turn the steel mixing bowl and the other little containers over, and with the ladle and teaspoon create a drum-set for himself.
While today many people think that NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) invented the hook-and-loop binding product we know as Velcro, it was actually George de Mestral who first thought of it. He was a Swiss engineer and an amateur mountaineer who in 1948 after returning home from a hiking trip took note of the burrs from forest plants that clung to his clothes. He wondered if such an idea could be useful in a commercial application. After more than eight years of research and work, he created what we now use in many applications, from attaching electronic devices to installations in car seats, from toys to replacing shoelaces, and from sporting equipment to backpacks.
As adults, if we look for possibilities and view things differently, it is evidence of having a childlike heart for inventiveness.
Simplicity
Often the simple things around us are all that are required for amusement and pleasure. A childlike heart is not about a longing of sophistication or grandiosity but of simplicity. In fact, Leonardo da Vinci was quoted as saying, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication". And he should know, the genius of the Renaissance who build, painted, studied, created and invented many sophisticated objects by studying the simplicity of movement and flight in engineering, physics, in nature and in the human form.
When reflecting on what I have been doing during Toby’s playtime, I'd be either sitting cross-legged in Toby's 'kitchen', then pretending to 'eat' his 'cooked meals' or I would be on my knees pushing toy cars back and forth to Toby who would be seated at the end of the corridor doing the same. Sometimes I would have Toby on my back, crawling like a 'pretend' horse and then morphing into a 'pretend' crocodile ready to chomp on him if he doesn't escape to the safety of the lounge settee. All the time reassuring him that it is all 'pretend' as we laugh, making sounds of VROOM VROOM like racing cars, or snarling in playful fun.
As adults we are often not satisfied with the simple pleasures of immersing ourselves in a good book, a walk along a sandy beach, playing a game of UNO or a board game with friends or family. Even running around in a park with a soccer ball, throwing a frisbee or walking a dog can, not only be fun but therapeutic. Too often we are looking for the next sophisticated gadget or next released latest branded item to find pleasure in.
Curiosity
Asking the question, "Why?" is common among children growing up? Having a sense of curiosity is reflective of a childlike heart in wanting to know the answers to "Why?".
While Toby is still too young to know to ask, "Why?", I can sense his curiosity when he'll ask, "Papa, what's that?". Often it will be something that he has not seen before. Recently we were in the kitchen (the real kitchen in the house) and he saw a wok on the stove. He was sitting in his elevated barstool when he pointed at the stove and asked, "What's that?". As it was black and did not look like a typical saucepan, he was curious to know its use.
Source: Unsplash. Photo by Sandra Seitamaa
Children of all ages are incredibly curious about the world around them. They love to learn and want to know everything there is to know about life. While parents can sometimes be annoyed with the constant badgering from their children about "why this" and "why that", all they are after is an answer to each of their questions. So, don't hold back in giving an explanation.
As adults, if we stop being curious and think that we know everything we are doomed to a life of ignorance. There is always more to know, which always provides us more room to grow. One thing I have learnt from my course in counselling, is that counselling is not about offering solutions or answers. A good counsellor is someone who can ask open and probing questions. Such a revelation has provided me with a growth opportunity now and into the future.
Relatable
To have a childlike heart is to be relatable. Some adults, unfortunately see themselves as the ’centre of the universe‘ and are so set in their ways that they are not able to be connectable to other people.
To be relatable or connectable, a person needs to exhibit humility. Keeping that sense of humility, as in a child is vitally important to be relatable. As this allows us to create connections with peers and other people, it allows us to form relationships and be open to be inspired by the actions of others. All these aspects keep us striving towards growing as a person.
While Toby is too young to demonstrate this quality, his brother Joel (pictured carrying Ezekiel and Toby) who will soon be 10 years has this quality of connectedness. While Joel is yet to associate humility with being relatable, I see him caring at different levels for Toby and his six-year-old brother Ezekiel. He will cuddle Toby, if Toby falls and starts crying, and when playing indoor basketball (on a mini-hoop) with Ezekiel, Joel will allow his younger brother to score. Admittedly there are times when he can't contain his competitiveness, even when playing with his Papa.
Forgiving
Give a child a few minutes to themselves, especially after a difficult situation or altercation with a parent or sibling and the child will usually forget the episode which just happened.
I have witnessed this when brothers Joel and Ezekiel were playing the card game UNO one evening. Ezekiel being three years younger would make his own rules up and at one stage both brothers got into an argument on whose rules were legitimate. Ezekiel got very angry, tossed his cards and stomped away. His father, called him back, had a word to him and he 'fled' into his bedroom.
A few minutes later, Ezekiel came out, apologized to Joel and they started playing another game. They were best of mates again (Joel and Ezekiel pictured).
Having a forgiving nature, like Joel displayed on that occasion, is another quality of somebody having a childlike heart.
As we grow into adults, this childlike quality becomes much tougher to display. As adults we find it difficult to forgive, we tend to hold grudges and as a consequence fail to let things go.
Author Paul Lewis Boese wrote, "Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future".
Loving
From the moment Toby enters our house, his love for us is unconditional. In fact all three of our grandchildren have demonstrated their unconditional love for us, over the years and still do.
The best thing about children is their love they display. Irrespective of the flaws we may have, what we look like, where we are from, what job we have, how old we are and how rich or poor we are, children will love their parents and grandparents unconditionally. They will make us cry with laughter, they will smother us with their kisses and give us the biggest hugs they can give. That same love is often extended to their siblings and sometimes to close relatives.
Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The law of love could best be understood and learned through little children".
As adults, we could perhaps learn something from our children and return to having a childlike heart.
Faith
Have you ever had your child stand on a bed, a table, a bench or at the edge of a swimming pool and then asked them to jump into your arms? There is usually a little hesitancy at the start, however after a few more reassurances, they will usually jump to the pleasure and glee of the child and, admittedly you for having successfully caught them.
Source: Media from Wix
Now that Toby is use to me catching him from the bed, after a change of nappies, I've got to be ready when he stands on the bed, and I say the word, "Jump!".
Children have faith in their parents, family, friends, and teachers. They also have faith in themselves. If they are unsure of something, they will usually voice it. This is where, a little more encouragement is needed or more training is required for them to do the activity.
Many children also have a faith in a high power, whatever it may be, even if that happens to be that Santa Claus will deliver them their much wished-for toy on Christmas Morning! In fact, Dr. James Fowler, a retired Methodist minister and Professor of Theology and Human Development developed the 'Stages of Faith' outlining the 7 stages of faith. Fowler suggested that there is Primal Faith, from birth to two years, when faith-based stories are learned. Other stages are between two years and six years (Intuitive-Projective stage), then between seven and eleven (Mythical-Literal stage), and from adolescence and beyond, faith concepts become more self-revealing across the remaining 'Stages of Faith'. (Joel is pictured below, on a Zoom call with his Sunday School teacher and class mates).
As adults, people often lose this faith, and it is speculated that this causes them to drift aimlessly through life. Perhaps analogous to becoming lost in a sea of close to eight billon other people, without a rudder and the guiding North Star.
We need to surround ourselves with people who share the same faith as ourselves. In doing so we ensure that we are built up spiritually and socially, and are supported by a community of likeminded believers.
In desiring a childlike heart, one must remember the times of our innocence, humility, curiosity and inventiveness as a child. Seeking a faith that builds one's character, will draw us closer to God or that higher power. This will ensure our connectedness to people, and show the unconditional love and a forgiving heart to those around us.
As mentioned at the start of this essay it is important to not only mature physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. Having a childlike heart will allow us to strike a balance, and in so doing, position ourselves to be successful in the things we do, and grow to fulfill our destiny and purpose.
Let us learn from our children and grandchildren and young people. There is much we can learn from them. Perhaps we need to rediscover the nature of our childlike heart once again.
"Never let the childlike heart vanish, the innocence of which has taught you to flourish" -Christina J Rebello
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