There are not many books that have impacted my life, and when they do, I feel as though the author has thrown down a challenge to me. After reading Lost Boys, I felt like I’ve picked up the ‘glove’ of challenge with a real mission to do something significant. Read more of what I am doing as a result at the end of this book review. (NB: This essay contains strong Christian references.)
The book Lost Boys was written by Cindy McGarvie. She is the National Director of Youth for Christ Australia and, with her husband, served both in the Australian Defence Force, and as missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators, raising five children on the mission field.
McGarvie draws from her background in the armed forces using military analogies to articulate the many challenges that the youth of today face, particularly boys and young men.
While this essay is written from a strong Christian perspective, I believe if you do not want to see the erosion of family values, the aimless meandering of our young people in their lives, the loss of identity, wasted lives, porn addiction and what McGarvie calls, the toxic culture of feminism and masculinity infiltrating society then irrespective of your faith, you will find extracts (in italics) from Lost Boys compelling enough to read the whole book. [Available to purchase here]. What's more, I found McGarvie's source references to quotes, information and statistics refreshing at the end of each chapter of her book. Furthermore, while the booked is focused on boys and young men, the same battles plaguing boys are also engulfing girls and young women.
There is much more covered in Lost Boys than what is covered in this essay. The material raised here was what convicted me to take action within my sphere of influence.
In the context of war and the Christian faith the devil or Satan is the adversary, and Godly people are in constant spiritual battle with the forces of evil, albeit a battle that is often unseen and too often unrecognized.
Denzel Washington - who describes himself as a "God-fearing man", in a speech he gave when accepting the American Film Institute Life Achievement Award in 2019, remarked, “That the temptation towards fame and self-centeredness is a spiritual battle." "So, I’m not looking at it from an earthly perspective," he told the New York Times. "If you don’t have a spiritual anchor you’ll be easily blown by the wind and you’ll be led to depression."
McGarvie is quite forthright when she accounts in her book, what some refer to as the degradation of society which is impacting everyone; mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and grandchildren. She provides evidence in her book of this degradation, particularly in Australian society.
I learnt a new meaning to the phrase ‘centre of gravity’ after reading the first chapter of Lost Boys. As it is described, "Used in the aspect of war, centres of gravity are the source of power for both friendly and enemy forces. As described, these centres of gravity can be physical, consisting of operational capabilities, or they can be moral centres of gravity, which pertain to the will of the people to fight and the ability of the leaders and others of influence on both sides." Knock these centres of gravity out and you’ve won the war, and the example given in the book were the elite Iraqi Republican Guards. They were targeted by the coalition forces which ended the 1991 Iraqi Gulf War in 43 days. When juxtaposing this against the current conflict in Ukraine, even though the Ukrainians are vastly outgunned and outnumbered they are more than surviving with a largely moral centre of gravity.
In her book, McGarvie suggests, in the context of spiritual war, that the devil’s chief strategy is to takeout men, who she considers as the centre of gravity in our society, and the easiest targets are the young men and boys. Scripture reminds us in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."
Photo Credit: RACGP.org.au [no copyright infringement is intended]
As evidence to her proposition, McGarvie proceeds to prove the point with statistical and clinical evidence which are staggering when seen in this context.
1. The Suicide Crisis
In Australia, suicide is reported as the biggest killer of young people aged twelve to twenty-four. This statistic continues to be on an upward trajectory over the past years. As McGarvie has identified in her book, "Suicide is the leading cause of death in males from ages fifteen to forty-four. In 2017, 2,348 men and boys died by suicide, an increase of 10 percent from the previous year. This averages out to forty-five male deaths per week."
When researching the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare website for the latest data the 2020 figures were tagged as preliminary, meaning they are not verified. It reported that the suicide deaths among males were around 2,400, or 18.6 per 100,000 population and for the same period female suicides were 755 or 5.8 per 100,000 population. Both very sad statistics.
2. Fatherlessness Lost Boys makes the point, "that fatherless children are the most vulnerable and powerless in our society. Compared to their peers living with both of their biological parents, children raised in a single-parent home have a:
77 percent greater risk of being physically abused;
87 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical neglect;
165 percent greater risk of experiencing notable physical neglect;
74 percent greater risk of suffering from emotional neglect;
120 percent greater risk of experiencing some type of maltreatment overall."
Photo Credit: Benjamin Manley on Unsplash
American Author, Warren Farrell, stated, "The frequency at which fathers are absent has been devastating for the development of boys." Farrell pointed to research showing that boys without fathers fare worse than boys with fathers on more than 70 different metrics. He went on to say, "They’re much more likely to drink, much more likely to do drugs, much more likely to be depressed, much more likely to be suicidal, much more likely to be violent, much more likely to be in prison, and they’re also much more likely to commit mass shootings." Though with American overtones, the essence of these observations could also apply to Australia.
3. Toxic Feminism
While I believe in equal pay for equal work, and the equal opportunities for women to take their rightful place in society, the workplace, in politics, in education, industries and the home, I also agree with the observations made by McGarvie in Lost Boys. McGarvie writes, “The feminist movement, which started heading in the wrong direction in the 1960s, is on the attack against men.“ She adds that, “Our sons are bearing the weight of this, and many call this toxic feminism.”
Christina Hoff Somers, an academic known for her critique of contemporary feminism, warned, "Moms and dads, be afraid for your sons. There’s a 'war on men' that started a long time ago in gender studies classes and in women’s advocacy groups eager to believe that men are toxic."
"The contemporary feminist movement has focused intensely on men as the centre of gravity and has aimed to destroy the patriarchy, thereby dismantling traditional family structures. The fallout has been devastating", McGarvie writes.
I always believed that males and females were not made to compete with each other, but rather to complement each other. Listening to the media lately, one may wonder if people have forgotten this precept.
4. Pornography
While cyber or digital devices have become pervasive in every walk of life from calendar appointments to communications, education to banking, entertainment to access to government agencies, even paying our electricity to buying things online, digital devices can be used for evil.
McGarvie writes, “Our adversary has been using cyber warfare for decades. Pornography is one of the deadliest strategies of the devil. It has influenced men – old and young, married and single, fathers, grandfathers, brothers, sons, and even our little boys. It has even reached our girls.”
Sadly, McGarvie expounds those children with unrestricted and unsupervised use of devices have detrimental effects on their psychology and personality.
Photo Credit: Hanna Wei on Unsplash
McGarvie shared research by a security technology company which found that ‘one in 10 visitors of porn sites is under 10 years old’. She adds, results from men's health research, showing that depression is a raging epidemic in men and boys, with the research attributing depression as a side effect of consuming porn.
"It is easy to see the correlation between the increase in porn use in boys and the increase in suicide. We are in a health crisis", McGarvie writes, after quoting studies by psychologist, Dr. Gary Brooks in her book.
"What about marriage and relationships?", McGarvie asks.
According to Psychology Today, consuming porn harms intimacy and healthy connections. On the contrary, relationships free from porn are stronger and more committed.
When a question "Where do men get their violence?" was asked at a ‘Women Against Violence’ rally in Brisbane, Australia, held on July 18 2018, there were many answers given, but McGarvie suggests, as many other researchers have also concluded: “Porn consumption is feeding the escalation of violence toward women, particularly by those who start as a young age. This, she believes, is one of the causes, if not the major cause, of toxic masculinity – treating women with callousness and seeing them as sexual objects.“
But rather then tackling this issue for what it is, McGarvie says, “Many modern-day feminists in Australia are missing in action or, worse, defending vocations of the porn industry in sex work as legitimate and harmless job choices for women that can be regulated by the government.”
5. Our Current Sexual Culture
Two themes permeate through McGarvie’s research: porn has messed with children’s identity, and porn can confuse sexual orientation when viewed as a child.
McGarvie writes, “If boys (and girls) are exposed to gay porn, whether accidentally or through curiosity, and this produces an involuntary physiological arousal, then a young person may believe this is evidence that they must be gay or bisexual.”
The heighten prevalence of sex used in advertising, prime-time TV dramas and reality shows, and even language used on radio and in social media are adding to this oversexualised culture. With the focus of the Lost Boys on young men, McGarvie points out that the strategy of the devil is to sexualise this generation, causing them to be mired in guilt, depression and shame. Once they lose their God-given identities, she suggests that, "our men who are the protectors of families and communities become impotent mentally, physically, and spiritually, giving rise to toxic masculinity."
As a result, women and children suffer, with the (Christian) Church not immune nor without its casualties.
6. Perversion of Gender Theory
McGarvie continues her exposé of subtle practices which would otherwise go unnoticed.
She writes, “Through the education and media establishments, our kids are now being taught gender theory which purports that gender is socially constructed. Masculinity is being extinguished before our eyes. Sex and gender are being separated, and primary-aged children are being taught that despite being born with male and female genitalia, it does not define one’s gender.”
7. Lack of Masculine Role Models Another statistic I found alarming, though not surprising, through being involved in the sector, is that women in the Education sector outnumber men considerably. In Australia, women make up 97 percent of early learning staff, 82 percent of primary teachers and 60 percent of secondary teachers. This means, McGarvie concludes, “Children will likely have little to no adult male guidance in their entire schooling years.” While this is no fault of the teachers themselves, our various Education Departments need to work on correcting this imbalance.
The same could also be said of the representation of women, who are doing a marvelous job, in our churches' Sunday School classes. If we are serious about the correcting the imbalance, those in church leadership should be encouraging Godly men to step-up into this important and foundational ministry. The results of teaching our children in God's ways are emphasized in Proverbs 22:6, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."
The Counter Insurgency
Having identified the problems and the strategies of the enemy in subduing our men and boys, McGarvie then proceeds to identify (using another military term) the counter insurgencies required to meet the enemy (the devil).
Using her military experience, McGarvie recalls that, "When a young person joins the army and signs on the dotted line, he doesn’t automatically become a soldier. It takes a lot of mental and physical training." Perhaps, she writes, ”The hardest part is the resocialisation process one goes through in being a loyal and responsible team member.“
The resocialisation process is the removing of the old self (in thinking and behaviour) and the transformation of an individual’s sense of self. At the end of basic training, the emerging person has the disposition and the discipline of a soldier and is set on a path to further training and specialisation.
McGarvie then turns the spotlight on the (Christian) Church.
"The point is that when a person is converted to faith in Christ, like a brand-new army recruit, they need to go through a resocialisation process to help them strip away the old habits, values, and attitudes that controlled the way they lived their life up until then."
The new convert learns a new code of conduct, is inwardly transformed, and learns to live a life of Christ-centeredness. With a military manual called the Bible to help, they become orientated with how to constantly use the 'Word of God' in their everyday life.
Photo Credit: frommydeskathome.com
McGarvie writes, “He needs to be continually training and learning, building in the confidence of their identity and their capabilities, using the spiritual weapons of warfare – the ones that are mighty in pulling down strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4). The training involves mentors and others who are gifted for teaching and instructing to help new followers mature. The new believer in faith needs to understand that we are in a state of spiritual war that will not cease in their lifetime."
McGarvie continues in the chapter emphasizing that the discipleship process is like military basic training. Many new Christians, who are new in the faith, "have not gone through a thorough resocialisation (discipleship) process and, therefore, are not able to walk victoriously in their new identity in Christ." She adds, "Just because someone is raised in a Christian home and educated in a Christian school does not mean they have been adequately trained to maturity."
Many Christian parents who are themselves ill-trained are having to counter the impacts of this age, for example the influences of social media, advertising, consumerism, etc. on their children. Parents need to be discipled to help them confront these influences on their children with the truth.
Not unlike the continual training of soldiers, particularly during recruit training, McGarvie believes that both in the home and in the church, there is a need for more teaching and admonishing to build strong warriors. What's more, we need to be continually adapting our teaching and training methods to ensure they are relevance and appropriate in these changing times.
While there were many lessons I picked up after reading Lost Boys, this story about the Spartan, the Ancient Greek warrior army, amazed and fascinated me. The Spartans were known for the skill and discipline of their soldiers. In war they would adopt a tight rectangular formation named the Greek phalanx that provided secure protection with interlocking shields and wearing appropriate armour. At the front of the rectangle were the battle-experienced strong warriors, in the middle were the inexperienced youth, and in the back row were the experienced but aged solders up to sixty years. This formation provided safety and protection in the battle and prevented the young inexperience warriors from fleeing in terror.
To the young soldiers in the middle, the experienced soldiers demonstrated fighting skills and courage, while at the back of the rectangle, the older soldiers kept the morale and encouraged the younger ones to stand firm.
The value of the older solders on the battlefield, resonated with me, leading to a new initiative I speak of at the conclusion.
McGarvie writes, “Our Western civilisation was built upon values of the Judeo-Christian worldview. The freedom and prosperity that Western nations have enjoyed is because they have the highest freedom and wealth indices in the world“. However, McGarvie calls out in the book that over the last fifty years an insurgency of Marxist ideology, the creation of a 'them and us' mentality within society, has swept through the channels of our education system, news media, and entertainment, otherwise known as the establishment. This she says, is the new accepted orthodoxy.
The good news, McGarvie proclaims, using another military term, is that there is an active counterinsurgency movement that’s already engaged on a new battlefront. This new battlefront is in cyberspace. It’s a new public square where young people are challenging each other with alternative views from what has become mainstream. Young Christians are on the frontlines debating ideas more than ever, and they are making an impact.
As Christians, we believe that Satan has already been completely defeated as professed in the Book of Hebrews 2:14 which says, "Since the children have flesh and blood, he (Jesus) too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him (the devil) who holds the power of death." We simply need to enforce his defeat.
The only power the devil has is the power to deceive. Our battle should be against the wiles (trickery) of the devil as stated in the Letter of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians, "Put on the full armour of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes" (Eph 6:11), not the devil himself.
McGarvie concludes with the encouraging message that our boys and men can break free.
Like the Spartan formation, our older men are the rear guard, encouraging, emboldening, and instructing our young, inexperienced warriors.
In her book, McGarvie provides four exhortations for men of Christian faith to pursue. If exercised, she believes that far more than our lost boys will be rescued. Families will be restored, the church will be greatly strengthened, and our culture will be transformed.
Know your identity in Christ
Take up, and learn to use your spiritual weapons of warfare
Start loving the church and be in service
Get out into the culture and influence change
As I mentioned at the start of this essay, upon reading Lost Boys, I was convicted in my spirit to do something in my local church. As part of our Men's Fellowship, we launched a Men's Mentorship Initiative where the senior men of faith would mentor the younger less experienced men in our faith community, thus building and encouraging a generation who could continue to do the same in the future.
These younger men could be young marrieds and/or with small children, single men either in academia or working, either currently in service in the church or not. Unlike other secular mentoring programs, this initiative will have an additional objective of transforming the life of the mentee towards Christ-likeness. It will also include sharing of life experiences, reflection and study. I see mentors also being on the same journey of growth. In reality mentors are themselves mentees to those who are more senior in faith and experience. I have also found when acting as a mentor that I too am learning new ideas, thoughts, etc. so it is a rewarding personal growth role!
Photo Credit: Logan Weaver on Unsplash
I am driven with the encouragement from the passage of Hebrews 10:24-25 which says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
At the time of writing this essay, we had just completed our first Mentoring Workshop. We will be planning the recruitment launch of mentees during the month of May.
As Paul the Apostle wrote in his Letter to the Corinthian church, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Cor 11:1). This would be the battle cry of our mentors.
Bless you!
[If you are interested in purchasing the Lost Boys, it is available at the Youth For Christ Australia store https://store.yfc.org.au]
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