This essay is about my grandson Ezekiel who had a restless night before the morning could break on his birthday. The first part of this essay is about how it was manifested. The second part provides some insights into the reasons why children find it hard to sleep and some remedies provided by some experts for parents to consider when their children find it hard to fall asleep. We adults too can learnt some remedies for having a good nights sleep.
Part 1
Ezekiel came up to me a few weeks before his 7th birthday and whispered in my ear, “Papa, it’s 10 more sleeps to my birthday!”. He said it with such innocence but with surety as if I needed to be reminded, in case I should miss his special day.
The last family birthday was his dad’s, and prior to that it was his Nana’s and prior again it was mine. So, knowing that his birthday would follow his dad’s after all family members celebrated theirs, Ezekiel would only from then start his countdown towards his birthday.
I can just imagine children at 6 years, and those much younger, and admittedly older too, simply love birthday celebrations. Especially theirs! I suppose too, having to wait a whole 12 months for another round of singing “Happy Birthday” with their name called out, and being the centre of attention would seem like an eternity. Not to mention the expectant presents, including the cakes and lolly bags at the party.
My wife and I saw Ezekiel, two days before his birthday after dropping his younger brother home after day-care. We told Ezekiel that we couldn’t see him on his actual birthday but will have his present when we attended the extended family party on the following weekend. His mother told us that they would be going out for dinner as a family to celebrate Ezekiel’s 7th birthday.
Apparently, they all had a wonderful time despite being in the middle of a school week.
When we caught up with our daughter Jessica, she told us how Ezekiel was during the night before his birthday.
Ezekiel was already excited and was in anticipation before he went to bed. As it was a school day the next morning, he and his older brother went to bed early that evening.
Apparently, Ezekiel had woken up around 2am and walked in the dark to his parents’ bedroom asking his mother if it was time to wake up. She sleepily said no and shooed him off to bed. At about 3am he again came to his mother and whispered if it was the next day and if he could get up. Again, she told him it was still night time and for him to go back to bed. Disappointedly he returned to his bedroom, presumably trying to fall asleep till the morning.
I suspect that Ezekiel did not have much sleep that night, because at about 4am he again returned to his mother and whispered in her ears telling her that he could not sleep and wanted to stay up to watch some TV. At that point, his dad woke up and sternly told him to get under the doona on their bed, to close his eyes, and sleep.
It was a working day for everyone in the household and that morning. Ezekiel’s dad had the task of dropping Ezekiel’s younger brother for day-care at our home, a 40-minute drive away before returning to work. Fortunately he was working-from-home.
While I smiled and recollected my time as a youngster on hearing the story about Ezekiel, I wondered what the psychological reasons causing children to have restless nights. Then thought what were some remedies that parents could consider when faced with such situations.
Fortunately for Ezekiel’s parents, that pre-birthday night of restlessness was a random occurrence. Such restlessness and behaviour can afflict children of various ages especially during times of excitement or anticipation.
As an aside, Ezekiel enjoyed his birthday, the dinner with his family, and the post-birthday extended family celebrations where he was the centre of attention. He was even more excited when receiving presents from his two sets of grandparents and uncles.
Photo Credit: Jess De Silva. Ezekiel's 7th Birthday
Part 2
If I think back to when I was younger, it was often when my siblings and I watched a horror movie or were told a “scary” story before bedtime that I found it hard to sleep. It took a while, however eventually I would fall asleep and depending on how relaxed my mind was, most of those bedtime stories would not affect me. I do recall though that when an onset of sickness or fever would come over me, my young mind would be filled with vivid imaginations and dreams. Sometimes these will lead to nightmares causing me to twist and turn around in bed without experiencing, what’s commonly call, ‘deep sleep’.
So, what does medical science says about restless nights?
According to the US based Sleep Foundation, restless sleep is not a medical term and has no concrete definition. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM) reports that it is not an identified sleep disorder, indicating that the meaning of the term is subjective. Despite this, there is a general sense of what the behaviour looks or feels like, for both adults and children, to have restless sleep.
In a Sleep Foundation on-line article 'What Causes Restless Sleep?', dated March 11, 2022, it was suggested that restless sleep may involve the following issues:
Tossing and turning trying to get settled and comfortable.
The feeling of being only half-asleep or not sleeping deeply.
Constant stirring because the mind is racing.
Frustration with the inability to sleep soundly.
Not being able to fall back asleep quickly after waking up unexpectedly.
Photo Credit: Sander Sammy on Unsplash
The article went on to suggest that another sign or symptom of restless sleep can be experienced the next day, when the person feels tired, sluggish, or mentally off. The article reports that if this happens regularly, these issues may become increasingly problematic, resulting in a lost of productivity and can also be dangerous, when driving or operating machinery.
In the Healthline article, ‘Sleep Disorders in Children’, dated November 5, 2021, it expanded the manifestation of children having restless sleep. These included:
The child lying in bed, calling for another book, song, drink, or trip to the bathroom for what seem like hours.
The child sleeps for only 90 minutes at a time, even at night.
The child complains of itchy legs.
The child snores loudly.
Photo Credit: Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Like adults displaying sluggishness from a restless night’s sleep, the Healthline article reported that children who lack adequate sleep, may during the day:
Seem moodier and more irritable.
Act in a more disruptive way.
Fail to perform at their usual level in school.
To improve the child’s sleep, it is said that parents and caregivers need to take an active role in improving the quality of sleep of the child. Often it is said that children pick up on stress levels displayed by parents in the home.
It is important for parents to create a relaxing and calm environment as bedtime approaches. And while suggesting that finding a new mattress could add to the child’s comfort, there were other recommendations offered by the UK based, The Sleep Charity. Included below, with pointers from The Sleep Charity plus my learnt experience are advice which could be considered before a child’s bedtime. Over arching these suggestions is having a consistent routine for the child.
Turn off all screens an hour before bedtime. Screen activities can be mentally stimulating and may inhibit the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone that helps us to feel drowsy.
Set aside time earlier during the day to allow the child to share any worries with the parent. It can be helpful to share how their day has been and what is planned for the next day. Make sure to give the child full attention.
Dim the lights in the hour before bed to create a relaxing environment and aid the production of melatonin.
Fine motor skill activities, performed before bedtime, such as craft activities, model making, jigsaws or colouring pictures can aid relaxation.
Massage can help some children to unwind.
Soft classical or inspirational music can be very soothing and makes good relaxing music to play in the background during the bedtime routine.
Reading an appropriate short children’s story book, particularly one with a happy ending can assist, which also acts as bonding time with the parent. If the child attends Sunday School, a story they had learnt is a good option to consider.
In families where saying prayers is common practice, a parent saying a ‘goodnight’ prayer with the child will help the child to be comforted and relaxed.
End the day on a positive note by sharing 5 great things that have happened during the day.
An important and often overlooked gesture by the parent is to give the child a goodnight kiss and hug. Often the last words like, “Mummy and Daddy loves you” before the child goes to sleep provides the reassurance the child needs to have a good and restful sleep.
Photo Credit: Media from Wix
As adults, the stresses of our work, planning for holidays, completing a home renovation project, even hosting a house party can cause us to have restless nights. To help avoid the anxiety and difficulties in falling asleep, especially when thinking too much about various subjects, is to compartmentalize issues at hand. We often fuse them all together, which becomes a jumble of activities in our mind. It is important to make sure these activities sit comfortably in different compartments in our mind when sleeping. Prioritising the important one and not dwelling on the minor is key. While such actions may not be easily understood by children, some of the tips mentioned above are just as appropriate for us adults to consider, like:
Ensuring we create an environment of relaxation before bedtime.
Setting a routine.
Reflecting on the day, and giving thanks for the 5 positive things from the day.
Consider the next day with positiveness and context (the compartmentalization of issues will help).
Reading an inspirational book that will relax the mind.
As a Christian I believe in the power of prayer. Saying a prayer has done wonders in giving me a peaceful and restful sleep.
Here's a night prayer which appeared in the book The Protestant Monastery written by George Wheler in 1698. Over time a few versions were penned. This one is most common; "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep; See me safely through the night, And wake me with the morning's light. Amen"
An even earlier night prayer can be found in the Book of Psalm 4:8; "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety."
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