It is always delightful to hear young children respond with a ‘thank-you’ after receiving a gift. Sometimes it may take a little prompting and encouragement from a parent with a statement like, “What do you say?”. And if the child gives a blank look, either because of shyness or defiance, the parent will go on to say, “Now, say thank-you!”
When young children repeat the ‘Thank-you’ from their parents, it is often a repetition of what that parent has just said. While it may not be in all cases, over time an expression of a ‘Thank-you’ could simply be a learned response conditioned by a parent’s or teacher’s affirmation to receiving something, either a gift, a service, an offer or a compliment.
[Photo by Kamaji Ogino from Pexels]
As the child grows older, he or she understands society’s customary code of polite behaviour and the etiquette of saying words like ‘thank-you’.
‘Thank-you’ is an endearing word, and is a common expression of gratitude.
I like the word ‘gratitude’ as it is a state of being thankful. It is an attitude and has a sense of continuity through the state of thankfulness. Cultural anthropologist, Angeles Arrien is quoted as saying that, ‘Gratitude is not simply an emotional response; it is also a choice we make. We can choose to be grateful, or we can choose to be ungrateful—to take our gifts and blessings for granted. As a choice, gratitude is an attitude or disposition’.
So while saying ‘thank-you’ is an emotional response, gratitude is a quality found in those who are thankful for what they have in life, which is a key strategy to increase feelings of positive well-being. Randy and Lori Sansone, in their book “Gratitude and Well-Being: The Benefits of Appreciation” defines gratitude as ‘the appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to oneself and represents a general state of thankfulness and/or appreciation’.
On reflecting the definition from Sansone and Sansone, I will share with you my four expressions of gratitude or behaviours borne out of gratitude, through four life stories which have shaped my state of thankfulness and influenced my feelings of positive well-being. These are by no means exhaustive as I am sure more eminent academics have researched subtle differences in the relationship between gratitude and well-being.
The Return of Goodness:
My first story illustrates that gratitude causes one to return the favour, not in a way where it is done in an obligatory way as, ‘I owe it to you to do something’, but more so with the attitude ‘because of the blessings I have received, I am going to live my life to bless others’. I am not talking only about big and momentous things, but even the little things we do which brings pleasure in someone else's life. The incident occurred when I was in primary school at De La Salle School, Singapore. One day during the lunchtime rush at the school tuck-shop, as an 8-year-old I joined in the pushing and shoving to purchase a meal. In those days there was no such thing as queues or ticketed ordering. Being small in stature it was not easy getting my order in, however from behind me a much older school boy, perhaps 3 years my senior asked me what I wanted. I told him, gave him my 20 cents and on the top of his voice, he shouted over the other students and got me my bowl of noodles. I will never forget that occasion with gratitude. I didn't even know who the boy was.
That same year, while playing in the school playground, I found a $20 note being swiped up by the wind. Having chased it down, and not seeing an owner for the $20 note, I took it to the administration office. Later that day I learnt that a grateful student, who had earlier reported the lost note, claimed it.
The adage by Marcus Tullius Cicero holds true, that ‘gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others’. Gratitude is not an esoteric subject for psychologists, philosophers, leaders or researchers to ponder on. Gratitude is a human emotion! Gratitude propels us to return goodness to others.
[Photo by Kamaji Ogino from Pexels]
Remembering the Sacrifices:
My second illustration when reflecting on gratitude is to remember the sacrifices made by those who have offered the gift, service or provision. As a recipient, we are often caught up in the occasion of receiving, often not realizing the hard work or even the sacrifices that have gone in to making the gift possible. I have heard stories of how parents have toiled all year to provide their children with Christmas or birthday gifts, a graduation dress and even a car for a child’s 18th birthday.
My family had only been in Australia three years when I completed Junior High School at Xavier College, Perth. The school only went up to three years of Junior High School. The feeder school was Christian Brothers Trinity College where I had to complete two more years to attain a High School Leaving Certificate before entering university.
Another gratitude moment, more so for my parents at that time, was when I was awarded a scholarship by Xavier College, where my tuition fees at Trinity College were halved for the two years I was there. In gratitude to my parents who sacrificed a comfortable life in Singapore, to restart life in Australia by providing a better future for my 4 siblings and I, I completed my Commerce Degree from the University of Western Australia. I lived at home until I was transferred to work at the Coles Melbourne Head Office. I was aged 23 years.
[Photo from Wix Media]
The lesson here is, do not forget the sacrifices people have made when providing the gift which we are grateful for.
Friendship Borne from Gratitude:
After 18 months working in the Coles Distribution Centre in Canningvale, Western Australia, initially as a stock picker, then as an Assistant Manager, I was transferred from Perth to a new role in their Melbourne, Head Office. The year was January,1980. Not knowing anyone in Melbourne, I was met by my soon to be Manager Richard, at Tullamarine Airport. Richard showed me the places around the city, how to check-in at the hotel the company had me staying in, places to eat at and places to shop. Richard also helped me find an apartment to lease, and took me ‘under his wings’.
It was at the Coles Head Office, located at the corner of Bourke and Swanston Streets, Melbourne, that I met my four fellow Methods Engineers. My return of gratitude was to always remember good friends. The five of us have maintained a long 40-year friendship till this day, during difficult and challenging times, over joyous occasions and over long distances. Some of us are separated by geography but have remained close contacts through social media and the occasional international visits.
[Photo by Jess De Silva]
The importance of friendship borne from gratitude and maintaining it over time is a sign of true and endearing gratitude. From Risk to Gratitude, to Loyalty and Faithfulness
After 17 years at Coles, a situation to move to another company was presented to me. There were two job opportunities that arose. One was with Elders, a large multi-sector company, which was listed on the Australian Stock Exchange, where I was fortunate to get through all the interview processes, plus with an offer on the table. The other was with a not-for-profit supply chain standards organisation, a company I had not heard of before then. It was EAN Australia (now GS1 Australia). The company had just over 20 staff, based in suburban Oakleigh, South East of Melbourne. As I had a knowledge of supply chain, warehousing systems and e-commerce, specifically EDI (Electronic Data Interchange) standards, this not-for-profit organisation was after someone who knew something about EDI and could add to their existing e-commerce services to their 3,000 odd company members at that time.
I had to go through an interview and screening process, not with EAN management, but through a recruitment agency. I remember going for the interview with the agency, which was just before my family and I was to fly to Perth for a family holiday. Some weeks passed and on returning home to Melbourne I received a phone call for an interview. I remember the day vividly. We were all napping having just arrived after a five-hour flight from Perth early that morning. The phone rang which woke me up. I took the call and the person wanted to set a date for an interview at the EAN Australia Oakleigh office.
There was a story behind the scenes which I was not aware of until later.
The background story was that the recruitment agency did not recommend me for the role, however EAN management wanted to meet with me. Only because of an astute and discerning lady who took a risk with me, who would later be the company’s CEO and my line-manager, I was given the role as Member Liaison Officer in the company. Now looking back, my heart is filled with gratitude not only to the company, but personally to Maria. My display of gratitude for over 24 years of service at GS1 Australia (previously EAN Australia), before my retirement in December 2020, was to do the best at all I had been asked to do and to be of service to the 130 staff and over 21,000 GS1 Australia members. Author and Coach Renée Giarrusso refers to the display of gratitude where employees go beyond the contractual obligation of their roles, as a consequence of true leadership. Leadership which inspires such behaviour of gratitude.
[Photo by Fauxels from Pexels]
The lesson in demonstrating gratitude when a gift, a service or compliment has been afforded, is to be faithful and loyal, both in word and action.
In conclusion, I believe a spirit of gratitude is a wonderful attribute to have. However, it does not stop there. As a consequence of this, Marcus Tullius Cicero calls it ‘the parent of all other virtues’, for instance; returning goodness to others, remembering the sacrifices of people, maintaining friendships and demonstrating faithfulness and loyalty.
The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu sums it up well when he said, ‘When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you’. This can only come from a state of mind, when gratitude flows out from a sense of thankfulness and appreciation.
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