Can we learn from our children or grandchildren? Over the last few years, having seen my grandchildren at play with their friends, their siblings, and with their parents and grandparents, I can honestly say that young children can teach us many lessons if we are sensitive to recognising certain displayed behaviours as positive attributes.
As a leader and an observer of people, I see that children are often in situations where they unknowingly display leadership attributes whether they are playing or socialising at the local children's playground, competing on a basketball court, running in an obstacle race, learning at school, or just mucking around at home or at family gatherings. Here I am referring to children who are aged between 4 years and 11 years of age. At these ages they would not have read books from eminent authors on leadership and teamwork like John C. Maxwell, Stephen R. Covey, Simon Sinek, Dale Carnegie, or Jim Collins. They may not even know how to spell the word 'leadership'.
This makes me ask myself the question if leadership attributes are inherent in our children or is leadership a taught skill? May be the environment and culture of the home, the schools our children are studying at, or the various communities they are involved in, can have a large influence on our children's growing up years. These influences than shape how these leadership attributes are reflected in the child and ultimately how these attributes are manifested in adulthood.
While adults can learn, enhance, and/or relearn such skills, and gain the knowledge to be great leaders, I wonder how much more productive and impactful it would be if parents, grandparents, adult mentors, and school teachers could enhance our children's inherent and displayed leadership attributes at an early age.
In the 1954 fictional novel Lord of the Flies written by William Golding, the story is told of a group of young boys who find themselves on a desert island. Among them, leaders emerge and the other boys align themselves to various 'tribes' with each having its own leader. With no adults to provide boundaries for civil behaviour or norms, the behaviour of the boys progressively degenerates into one of violence and brutality.
I believe adult nurturing is vital in steering our youngsters toward the potential use of their still developing and pliable leadership skills towards good behaviours. The potential is in every child to make a positive contribution to society. It is said in Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
In this essay I have captured several examples of leadership attributes which I have observed from seeing my three grandsons at play and at various social events. If you are a parent, grandparent, guardian, or teacher I am sure you would have seen other displays of positive leadership attributes in your children, grandchildren, or students.
Attribute #1
Showing empathy: "People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." - John C. Maxwell Toby had fallen and scratched himself, and he immediately started crying. Toby's older brother Ezekiel who was close by ran to comfort him, asking Toby if he was hurting. Putting his arms around Toby, Ezekiel told him that the pain will soon go away. Ezekiel spoke in a reassuring voice and explained that 'mummy' would soon come to put on a bandage.
Source: Jess De Silva (Brothers Ezekiel and Toby in happier times)
Attribute #2
Thinking strategically: "Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships." - Michael Jordan
Joel, aged 11, who plays competitive junior basketball for his local club was complimented by his coach during a post-match retrospective with the team. He was praised for his assessment of the play and considering player positions at the front court before passing the ball to a teammate. Presumably in his assessment, it wasn't about hastily getting rid of the ball to anyone or going for the shot himself. In his mind it was what would be the best opportunity for at least a two-pointer to be scored. I have seen Joel play on a few occasions and the senior coach is very strong on the value of teamwork and strategy. I was fortunate to see Joel and his team win their inter-club finals last season.
Source: Jess De Silva (Joel playing in an inter-club basketball competition)
Attribute #3
Dare to lead: "Leadership is the willingness to put oneself at risk." - John C. Maxwell
I heard this story from Ezekiel's mum a couple of years ago. Ezekiel would have been about 5 years old then. At a Sunday School class, the teacher had asked the children who would like to volunteer to pray after a lesson on the subject. After a brief silence, Ezekiel put up his hand and offered to pray. Sometimes as leaders we are called to take the first step, which invariably will cause others to follow. It is the trust, integrity and confidence in the leader that will influence others join in. At aged 5, Ezekiel who was new to the class, showed that he was prepared to lead.
Attribute #4
Celebrating success as a team: "People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing." - Dale Carnegie
Four years ago, both Joel and Ezekiel, and their friends entered the obstacle race for children ages 4-14 years called Spartan Kids. It was an obstacle course involving climbing over boards, running along logs, carrying bags, swinging on ring monkey bars, and jumping over tyres. Their parents were there, taking photos and helping when they could, and on seeing the photos on their return, I was pleased to see the two boys and their friends supporting and encouraging each other along the obstacle course. They each won a prize for their efforts. As leaders, cultivating a winning culture must always be tempered with celebrating with all involved in bringing about a successful outcome, whether a team member played a major or minor part in the operation.
Source: Jess De Silva (Ezekiel, aged 4 years, being helped by his mum to complete the ring monkey bar obstacle. 2019)
Attribute #5
Not be the focus of attention: "It is amazing what you can accomplish if you don't care who gets the credit." - Harry S. Truman
In another basketball example, Joel would often be in the point-guard position. A position very appropriate for him as he is not tall for his age, but very quick footed, a good passer and fast to drive the ball forward. As a point-guard he is often able to lead the team in assists and can create shots for both him and teammates. He is not one to monopolise shots to the basket, as I have seen many adults and young players do.
Attribute #6
Concern for others: "Leadership is not being in charge, it is about taking care of people in your charge." - Simon Sinek
One day enroute to taking Toby home after spending the day at our house, we received a call from our daughter Jessie advising that her car wouldn’t start after shopping trip to her local supermarket. There was a 70-minute wait time for an auto-mechanic to arrive, which meant that she and her second son Ezekiel had to stay with the car until then. Toby over heard the phone conversation and showed his concern for his mother and brother. Throughout the remaining trip to his home, and even at his house while waiting for Jessie, Toby kept asking if they were alright. He did not stop asking about their welfare until he saw them both at home.
Attribute #7
Getting others involved: "Let each of you look not only to his interests, but also to the interests of others. - Philippians 2:4
At a family gathering Ezekiel was playing a game of backyard tennis with his brother Joel, under the patio at their house. When he saw that other ‘grown-up’ members of the family were gathering outside to watch them play, Ezekiel was insistent that we, too, get involved playing the game. After some indecision as to who will take up the challenge, in the end we all had a turn in playing and had lots of fun doing it.
Source: Media from Wix (For illustration only)
Whether on the sports field, at home or in community service, leaders should be cognizant of the environment and occasion, and try to get as many involved in an activity. It should be done with sensitivity, irrespective of team member's capability or strength.
Attribute #8
Taking responsibility: "Leadership is taking responsibility while others are making excuses." - John C Maxwell
Kids, being kids, often get themselves into mischief. On one occasion, the boys were playing ball inside the house. Invariably someone threw the ball too hard and wide which knocked down a framed wall picture. There was a big commotion amongst the boys. But Joel owned up and explained that he had thrown the ball. The boys' parents were not upset with the picture falling off its hook. The lesson they taught the boys on this occasion, was not to shy away from making a mistake, as accidents do happen, but always speak the truth and take responsibility for the mistakes made.
Attribute #9
Confidence in purpose: "You weren't an accident. You weren't mass produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the Earth by the Master Craftsman." - Max Lucado
This attribute speaks of having a sense of purpose. Every child and every adult are unique and each has a specific purpose in life, irrespective of the position they hold. Of course, the environment, the nurturing, the awareness of their calling or purpose, and the willingness to carry it out, does play a big part in the fulfillment of that purpose. A leader leads, but if there is no sense of purpose, the leader will invariably be standing alone. We all need a purpose and be confident in articulating and executing that purpose.
With permission, I have copied an extract from a speech my niece's daughter Amellia, aged 13 years presented to her class at the start of the school term. My niece Tanya was so proud of Amellia, as we were, when this year she was voted class-captain. The amazing thing too was that Amellia was new to the school. Her ability to articulate why she should be voted in as class-captain showed her confidence in purpose and the qualities of leadership which should put her in good stead for the future, considering all the external factors mentioned earlier.
Source: Media from Wix (For illustration only)
"Dear Classmates,
I stand before you today hoping you will choose me to become your class leader. When I thought about why should I be chosen over any other of my fellow students I thought I should ask myself what do I believe is a good leader?
I believe Leadership is not just about making decisions or giving orders. It is about inspiring others to work towards a common goal, and empowering them to reach their full potential. It is about being a servant to the team, not a master.
As a leader we must be willing to listen to feedback and ideas from our team members. We must empower and encourage them to take risks and make decisions. We must foster an environment of open communication, where everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and opinions.
In order to achieve our goals, we must be willing to adapt and evolve. We must be willing to take on new challenges and embrace change. We must be willing to learn from our mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth.
Thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts and personal insights on how to become a leader and what I believe makes a good leader.
Amellia"
Each time we look at a child, we should try to see the potential within them to be influencers for good in their generation. American medical doctor and third president of Stanford University, Ray L. Wilbur once said, "The potential possibilities of any child are the most intriguing and stimulating in all creation."
Steven
www.frommydeskathome.com
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